Post by KEG on Mar 19, 2015 18:14:47 GMT -5
(The scene opens and we find ourselves watching...the Simpsons?! What the...I thought this was Epic Encounters, the Capitol City Wrestling's promo network. Ah what the fudge...the Simpsons is probably more entertaining than most of the promos run on this channel. Wait, this episode looks familiar. The big chili cook off...yes that's it. The one where Homer eats those merciful hot peppers and starts tripping.)
(Wait a second...now Seinfeld is on the screen. Oh, this one is a classic...this is the one with the contest of who could hold out the longest without masturbating. Are you master of your domain? I didn't think so. Wait a second, the screen changes once again and this time, Friends is on. I remember this episode, this is the one where Rachel and Monica bet the apartment away to Joey and Chandler.)
(What the...can't we just keep it on one damn channel? The screen changes once more and this time we're presented with the Drew Carrey Show. Don't ask me which episode this is cuz honestly, I've never seen the damn show. The screen changes once more and now the Brady Bunch. The screen changes again and again and again before finally we're presented with nothing but static. Wait, the camera begins zooming out and we realize we were watching someone's else's television set. The camera zooms out more and pans the room until we see none other than KEG, relaxing in a recliner with a remote in his hand. KEG turns to the camera and begins speaking...)
KEG: Reruns. This is the kinda crap ya see all fudgein' day long when you're watchin' the boob tube. Whether it be FOX, ABC, CBS, NBC, CW...or even more than any other station...the Capitol City Wrestling Network. Yeah, that's exactly what ya see each and every fudgein' week when ya tune in to watch some pathetic jackass tell his opponent just how much he sucks and just how bad he's gonna whopp his ass. Well, with the exception of the Capitol City Wrestling's biggest superstar...moi, KEG. And such is the case with one of this drunken bastard's opponents for this week...Keegan Hightower.
Keegan...have ya listened to yourself lately? What lately. Have ya listened to yourself throughout your career period? You're like a broken fudgein' record, especially when it comes time to toss out smack talk. You're nothing new, and I've found some of your old promos out there. Just take a look at this drunken bastard right now...still in his prime, whoopin' ass and takin' names week in and week out. The man responsible for the life and well bein' of the Capitol City Wrestling and forcin' you people to recognize my talent. KEG has kept those drunken asses in the seats at the Arena. KEG has kept the ratings up everytime this drunken mug graces the camera and mixes up 'nother one of his drunken promos. KEG has brought dignity and respect to Capitol City Wrestling and this is just the first week.
So with all of that in mind Keegan, let me ask ya this...what have ya done lately? Well except for have your ass whooped and humiliated in that other fed? What have ya done for the Capitol City Wrestling or the rasslin' industry lately? Absolutely-fudgein'-nuttin'. Ya see, there was a time in your career Keegan when people actually thought ya might be good. There was a time in your career when people were probably afraid to step in the ring 'gainst ya cuz they knew they would lose. But now...now they can't fudgein' wait cuz they know all it is, is 'nother win up on the chalkboard for 'em. They know they have nuttin' to fear cuz ya ain't what ya used to be. Yeah that's it Keegan, go to the bathroom, splash water on your face, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the question "Is this what I have become...a joke?"
You're like a bad re-run Keegan that no one wants to watch anymore. At first it's ground breaking and entertaining. Then it's a bit played, but still entertainin'. But in the end...it's unbearable and just plain pathetic. Plus, you have a girl's name!
The truth hurts...don't it?
(KEG smirks, flips off his TV and the scene fades out to black.)
(Wait a second...now Seinfeld is on the screen. Oh, this one is a classic...this is the one with the contest of who could hold out the longest without masturbating. Are you master of your domain? I didn't think so. Wait a second, the screen changes once again and this time, Friends is on. I remember this episode, this is the one where Rachel and Monica bet the apartment away to Joey and Chandler.)
(What the...can't we just keep it on one damn channel? The screen changes once more and this time we're presented with the Drew Carrey Show. Don't ask me which episode this is cuz honestly, I've never seen the damn show. The screen changes once more and now the Brady Bunch. The screen changes again and again and again before finally we're presented with nothing but static. Wait, the camera begins zooming out and we realize we were watching someone's else's television set. The camera zooms out more and pans the room until we see none other than KEG, relaxing in a recliner with a remote in his hand. KEG turns to the camera and begins speaking...)
KEG: Reruns. This is the kinda crap ya see all fudgein' day long when you're watchin' the boob tube. Whether it be FOX, ABC, CBS, NBC, CW...or even more than any other station...the Capitol City Wrestling Network. Yeah, that's exactly what ya see each and every fudgein' week when ya tune in to watch some pathetic jackass tell his opponent just how much he sucks and just how bad he's gonna whopp his ass. Well, with the exception of the Capitol City Wrestling's biggest superstar...moi, KEG. And such is the case with one of this drunken bastard's opponents for this week...Keegan Hightower.
Keegan...have ya listened to yourself lately? What lately. Have ya listened to yourself throughout your career period? You're like a broken fudgein' record, especially when it comes time to toss out smack talk. You're nothing new, and I've found some of your old promos out there. Just take a look at this drunken bastard right now...still in his prime, whoopin' ass and takin' names week in and week out. The man responsible for the life and well bein' of the Capitol City Wrestling and forcin' you people to recognize my talent. KEG has kept those drunken asses in the seats at the Arena. KEG has kept the ratings up everytime this drunken mug graces the camera and mixes up 'nother one of his drunken promos. KEG has brought dignity and respect to Capitol City Wrestling and this is just the first week.
So with all of that in mind Keegan, let me ask ya this...what have ya done lately? Well except for have your ass whooped and humiliated in that other fed? What have ya done for the Capitol City Wrestling or the rasslin' industry lately? Absolutely-fudgein'-nuttin'. Ya see, there was a time in your career Keegan when people actually thought ya might be good. There was a time in your career when people were probably afraid to step in the ring 'gainst ya cuz they knew they would lose. But now...now they can't fudgein' wait cuz they know all it is, is 'nother win up on the chalkboard for 'em. They know they have nuttin' to fear cuz ya ain't what ya used to be. Yeah that's it Keegan, go to the bathroom, splash water on your face, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the question "Is this what I have become...a joke?"
You're like a bad re-run Keegan that no one wants to watch anymore. At first it's ground breaking and entertaining. Then it's a bit played, but still entertainin'. But in the end...it's unbearable and just plain pathetic. Plus, you have a girl's name!
The truth hurts...don't it?
(KEG smirks, flips off his TV and the scene fades out to black.)
